angel of death - another part of my soul, tonight, has died..

Revolution

I can feel a buzz in the air - like something life-changing is about to happen. A revolution is about to come to liberate me from this prison cell.

found...

i write again - that's not a good sign. i thought i have lost him but alas! loneliness has found me again.

i am overflowing with sentiments but they remain locked for now. suffice to know that i have found the answer to the question: why is true love hard to find?

...

on a day like this, when the sun fights to make its presence known amidst an ocean of dark skies... on a day like this, when the silence of the world sends a calming song to my battered heart... on a day like this, when good music serenades my solitude... i feel one with the world... and the sun confirms this when its rays touch my face... the radiance is warm... on a day like this, i count my blessings and shun my misfortunes... and i feel good... and i know - everything is going to be great!

dream high or just pick one...

i don't know what is more difficult - to get over someone you have lost... or to bear the loneliness of realizing that your dream man.. is never gonna come...

emptiness...

... if we are ALL alone... then we are also together in that...

>> P.S. i love u

natural

homosexuality is human nature...

Here's the chance of life... get ready, set, fly high above the fear of your mind... go for it... It's hit or miss! Too late for you to quit. You gotta show 'em how bad you really want this, so...

Live your dreams, it's not as hard as it may seem. You gotta work to get the cream... on you're hopes you must lean... from your fears, you have to wean yourself... It's all or nothing, give your everything...

*****

My heart is still recovering from the heartbreak of another kind... I'm still drying my tears... getting over my own fears in my life... So I wanna make sure this time that I'm strong enough too give it my all...

*****

You gotta live your dreams... So don't you be afraid... Just set the pace, and take the lead... It's your time to shine... Please believe...

whispered prayer...

elucidate, dear Goddess, my ambiguous fate...
elucidate, dear Goddess, my ambiguous fate...
elucidate, dear Goddess, my ambiguous fate...

the cold hearted winter ghost has come at last...

i have endured the cold nights of negative degrees... i have endured the cold and strong winds that blew my scarf away and pushed me a few steps backwards... i have endured the sadness that comes along with separations and goodbyes... but i don't think i could endure the cold reality that once again... i am alone...

my goals and responsibilities are crystal clear to me... i know what has and needs to be done... i know how much time i have left to accomplish what i have assigned myself to do... but i dont know how much longer i could sleep alone...

my body craves for human touch and my soul is parched... my spirit is searching for its magical intercourse... where is my knight-in-shining-armour?

goddess forbid - i am starting to feel that no matter where i go, the loneliness will find its way to sting me again... is there any way to be freed from this emptiness? am i asking too much?

how much longer until this penance is over?

loyalty

goddess... today i felt obliged to explain myself to a stranger... and as i did... i felt my humanity evade me... i felt that i have been slowly transformed into someone... something... immaterial... i need not be reminded of that - i already feel that way. but i felt i needed to do it - to remind myself why i am here... what pushed me to leave home and chase an unknown horizon... and for a while i believed the stranger as she stared at me like i am a bad guy... for a while i saw myself as the person she thought i was... but then as i slowly walked away i realized that she wasn't looking at me... she was looking at a guy who hurt his friend before... the anger i felt in that stranger disappeared and was replaced by respect... for here is a person putting up her defenses to defend a man she knows to be good... i am convinced though, that if she gave me a chance... she will like me a lot... because goddess, you and i know... that i am not a bad person... and that comforts me....

Fade Away...

once touched by pain... you're not the same... but time can heal your heart again... so let the clouds that bring you down just fade away...

Birthday Card...

Son...

There are so many things I want for you, so many wishes in my heart as i watch you grow into your own life... i wish you a world of adventure and experience - and also serenity that comes from listening to your own inner voice as the world rushes around you... i wish you the strength to face challenges with confidence - along with the wisdom to choose your battles carefully... i wish you the satisfaction of seeing your goals achieved and also the true contentment that is born of simple things - work well done, friends well-loved, moments caught cherished.

...and son, I sincerely wish for you to be truthfully happy not only this day but for all the days to come... words cannot describe the feeling of pride, joy and contentment that I feel in knowing that you are finally on the road to your aspirations and dreams...

And my greatest wish is that you will always remember how much you are loved - for you are a good and caring person... a man I am proud to have for a son...

- your loving parents....

to Tito... from Lance...

silver linings...

Hope is not the closing of your eyes to the difficulty, the risk or the failure... it is a trust that - if I fail now, I shall NOT fail forever; and if I am hurt... I shall be HEALED... it is a trust that - life is good, love is powerful, and the future is full of promise...
(anonymous)

57 to 28

In 57 days… I will be 28 years old…

I don’t feel 28 yet… Hell! I don’t feel 27! But the clock is ticking and my heart is pounding twice as fast… my emotions are divided – one feels that my age stopped the day they planned my life for me… the other feels that I will never have the life that I wanted for myself…

I have found reason to live through my niece, my nephews, my mama, my sisters, my papa… and lately I have found another reason to aspire even more…

I couldn’t help but mourn, though, for the part of me that died when faced with the realities of this world… I was 15 when I dreamt for a life of achievements and drive and passion and competitiveness (funny how young minds think in those days)…

I was 16 when they told me that we cannot afford the life that I have dreamed for myself…

and I was 25 when I let reality bite me… it was the year I gave up and stopped chasing a star that has turned into a black hole…

Reality is still biting me… constantly slapping me in the face and reminding me that I am not getting any younger… that nothing is written in stone…

I wish though that reality worked in a different way… that instead of biting you when you least expect it, teach you what to throw away and what to wait for… I am so tired of compromising…



I think I will sing “Happy Birthday” to my self and blow candles on a cake come B Day… wishing before the candles are blown out for a renewed heart – one that has no memory of the disappointments I have for myself so I could start holding my head high again in confidence that I will make it through…

Goddess, I am so tired of compromising…

"nothing destroys spirit... like poverty..."
-- becoming jane

Love against all odds? dream on...

Dear Life,

damn you're good. i thought one day i'd wake up and decide it's time i taught you a lesson about doing things my way. you go on to tell me it doesn't work that way - yet i go on with my protest and tell you to listen and sit in the back seat. where did the journey lead me? back to the basics! i hate it when you're right.

love is overrated. i have overrated love.

i think i have watched too many hollywood films and listened to too many ballads. enough music! enough films!

love is about convenience. so Earth, love your self more and pray you will find someone who has the convenience of loving you at your convenience. enough drama! it's time to raise an eyebrow.

play music: Jump by Madonna: "i can make it alone! i can make it alone! i can make it alone!"

romeo's heart stopped beating at the sight of juliet's death. shakespeare's pen stopped writing when he died. the sun has set to give way to a pitch black night. i can't see the moon. i can't find my star.

i musn't be left alone. not in the dark. not when there's no one to trust. i wont trust my self. i don't trust my self.



has nature skipped a season? where has autumn gone? the winter has finally come... so help me goddess!

cards down...

tell me that what we have is real... that what we feel may last a lifetime... that when worse comes to worst - you will not give us up until you are sure that you cant fight no more...

or just tell me to move a step back - and i will understand...