57 to 28

In 57 days… I will be 28 years old…

I don’t feel 28 yet… Hell! I don’t feel 27! But the clock is ticking and my heart is pounding twice as fast… my emotions are divided – one feels that my age stopped the day they planned my life for me… the other feels that I will never have the life that I wanted for myself…

I have found reason to live through my niece, my nephews, my mama, my sisters, my papa… and lately I have found another reason to aspire even more…

I couldn’t help but mourn, though, for the part of me that died when faced with the realities of this world… I was 15 when I dreamt for a life of achievements and drive and passion and competitiveness (funny how young minds think in those days)…

I was 16 when they told me that we cannot afford the life that I have dreamed for myself…

and I was 25 when I let reality bite me… it was the year I gave up and stopped chasing a star that has turned into a black hole…

Reality is still biting me… constantly slapping me in the face and reminding me that I am not getting any younger… that nothing is written in stone…

I wish though that reality worked in a different way… that instead of biting you when you least expect it, teach you what to throw away and what to wait for… I am so tired of compromising…



I think I will sing “Happy Birthday” to my self and blow candles on a cake come B Day… wishing before the candles are blown out for a renewed heart – one that has no memory of the disappointments I have for myself so I could start holding my head high again in confidence that I will make it through…

Goddess, I am so tired of compromising…

"nothing destroys spirit... like poverty..."
-- becoming jane

Love against all odds? dream on...

Dear Life,

damn you're good. i thought one day i'd wake up and decide it's time i taught you a lesson about doing things my way. you go on to tell me it doesn't work that way - yet i go on with my protest and tell you to listen and sit in the back seat. where did the journey lead me? back to the basics! i hate it when you're right.

love is overrated. i have overrated love.

i think i have watched too many hollywood films and listened to too many ballads. enough music! enough films!

love is about convenience. so Earth, love your self more and pray you will find someone who has the convenience of loving you at your convenience. enough drama! it's time to raise an eyebrow.

play music: Jump by Madonna: "i can make it alone! i can make it alone! i can make it alone!"

romeo's heart stopped beating at the sight of juliet's death. shakespeare's pen stopped writing when he died. the sun has set to give way to a pitch black night. i can't see the moon. i can't find my star.

i musn't be left alone. not in the dark. not when there's no one to trust. i wont trust my self. i don't trust my self.



has nature skipped a season? where has autumn gone? the winter has finally come... so help me goddess!

cards down...

tell me that what we have is real... that what we feel may last a lifetime... that when worse comes to worst - you will not give us up until you are sure that you cant fight no more...

or just tell me to move a step back - and i will understand...

01/09/07

"be mine..."

"i am yours..."