Fade Away...

once touched by pain... you're not the same... but time can heal your heart again... so let the clouds that bring you down just fade away...

Birthday Card...

Son...

There are so many things I want for you, so many wishes in my heart as i watch you grow into your own life... i wish you a world of adventure and experience - and also serenity that comes from listening to your own inner voice as the world rushes around you... i wish you the strength to face challenges with confidence - along with the wisdom to choose your battles carefully... i wish you the satisfaction of seeing your goals achieved and also the true contentment that is born of simple things - work well done, friends well-loved, moments caught cherished.

...and son, I sincerely wish for you to be truthfully happy not only this day but for all the days to come... words cannot describe the feeling of pride, joy and contentment that I feel in knowing that you are finally on the road to your aspirations and dreams...

And my greatest wish is that you will always remember how much you are loved - for you are a good and caring person... a man I am proud to have for a son...

- your loving parents....

to Tito... from Lance...

silver linings...

Hope is not the closing of your eyes to the difficulty, the risk or the failure... it is a trust that - if I fail now, I shall NOT fail forever; and if I am hurt... I shall be HEALED... it is a trust that - life is good, love is powerful, and the future is full of promise...
(anonymous)

57 to 28

In 57 days… I will be 28 years old…

I don’t feel 28 yet… Hell! I don’t feel 27! But the clock is ticking and my heart is pounding twice as fast… my emotions are divided – one feels that my age stopped the day they planned my life for me… the other feels that I will never have the life that I wanted for myself…

I have found reason to live through my niece, my nephews, my mama, my sisters, my papa… and lately I have found another reason to aspire even more…

I couldn’t help but mourn, though, for the part of me that died when faced with the realities of this world… I was 15 when I dreamt for a life of achievements and drive and passion and competitiveness (funny how young minds think in those days)…

I was 16 when they told me that we cannot afford the life that I have dreamed for myself…

and I was 25 when I let reality bite me… it was the year I gave up and stopped chasing a star that has turned into a black hole…

Reality is still biting me… constantly slapping me in the face and reminding me that I am not getting any younger… that nothing is written in stone…

I wish though that reality worked in a different way… that instead of biting you when you least expect it, teach you what to throw away and what to wait for… I am so tired of compromising…



I think I will sing “Happy Birthday” to my self and blow candles on a cake come B Day… wishing before the candles are blown out for a renewed heart – one that has no memory of the disappointments I have for myself so I could start holding my head high again in confidence that I will make it through…

Goddess, I am so tired of compromising…

"nothing destroys spirit... like poverty..."
-- becoming jane

Love against all odds? dream on...

Dear Life,

damn you're good. i thought one day i'd wake up and decide it's time i taught you a lesson about doing things my way. you go on to tell me it doesn't work that way - yet i go on with my protest and tell you to listen and sit in the back seat. where did the journey lead me? back to the basics! i hate it when you're right.

love is overrated. i have overrated love.

i think i have watched too many hollywood films and listened to too many ballads. enough music! enough films!

love is about convenience. so Earth, love your self more and pray you will find someone who has the convenience of loving you at your convenience. enough drama! it's time to raise an eyebrow.

play music: Jump by Madonna: "i can make it alone! i can make it alone! i can make it alone!"

romeo's heart stopped beating at the sight of juliet's death. shakespeare's pen stopped writing when he died. the sun has set to give way to a pitch black night. i can't see the moon. i can't find my star.

i musn't be left alone. not in the dark. not when there's no one to trust. i wont trust my self. i don't trust my self.



has nature skipped a season? where has autumn gone? the winter has finally come... so help me goddess!

cards down...

tell me that what we have is real... that what we feel may last a lifetime... that when worse comes to worst - you will not give us up until you are sure that you cant fight no more...

or just tell me to move a step back - and i will understand...

01/09/07

"be mine..."

"i am yours..."

needs and wants

what i want precedes what i need...

reassurance...

"i don't think you realise the effect you have on me already... tell me to be yours and i would... my heart would know where it belongs..."

ray of light

dance like nobody's watching... sing like nobody's listening... live like heaven is on EARTH... Love like you've never been hurt...

to be nice is to be cruel

do me a favor and let me go... tell me your heart belongs to someone else and that your crazily in love with him... tell me lies and just improvise... tell me to walk away so i can forget about you.

108 days later...

i have begun a journey of my own... and invested every ounce of my will power into it... i had nothing yet i gave everything there is to give...

why???

to sleep better.

108 days have past since that plane took me soaring into my new atmosphere - had i slept better? no.

making your dreams come true wont give you peace of mind... instead, it will make you more thirsty for adventures and risks... yet no matter how parched i have become since that journey began, i have discovered that i am still a slave of fear... it runs in my blood... the voice of that part of me that has been beaten down by the shits of life echoes in my consciousness - telling me to take it slowly... to not rush things... to let everything fall in its proper place... in its proper time...

but the warrior part of me - the survivor part of me - the MAN in me fights the voice back... for no matter how hard i try to convince myself that everything happens in due time, i know that nothing will happen UNLESS you make it happen... so although the wiser of me is interested in teaching me a lesson of patience, the part of me that has the breathing soul urges me to jump and take the plunge... i have never been the patient type... i have always been the stubborn one - the impulsive one... can you blame me? i was born to live and i will die trying to live the life that i want...

a few hundred more days will come to teach me lessons but i shall take no further lessons from life... it's time to teach life a lesson in communication... it's time to tell life to listen!

cast the first stone!

you think you know BUT you have no idea...

from a favorite sister...

to a loving brother

there are still a million THINGS that i want to tell you...there are yet a million more QUESTIONS i want to ask...a million more LESSONS i want to learn from you... these are a few of the millions of REASONS i would have wanted you to STAY...
but then, i know that you have a million and one more REASONS why you have to LEAVE...
it pains me a lot...but it makes me happy as well...happy to finally see you come THIS FAR...you traveled through a lot of rough roads...yet i only know a few of them...God knows how much more that you kept to yourself...
i ADMIRE YOU...a LOT...
you are the strongest ROCK anyone could ever hold on to...you have and will always be MY ROCK...you have made me the strong person that i am today...you have inspired me to CONTINUE DREAMING...to continue chasing my dreams...you showed me the painful realities of life...and you taught me how to survive them...you gave me ENLIGHTENMENT at the DARKEST of my life...you are SO MANY things to me...
i remember the day you gave us all a letter...and you said and believed that "one day, i will grow into a beautiful swan..."you were right!that made me believe that beauty is skin deep...and i have always felt BEAUTIFUL since then...THANK YOU...
i remember when we both planned our future...that you promised to fulfill my dreams...i trusted you the moment you said that...and i know that one day, all of our dreams would come true...and you will always be there to guide US...THANK YOU in advance...
i will always remember the many times you believed, and made me believe in my talents...i owe my every creation to YOU...THANK YOU SO MUCH...
I'M SORRY...for all the times that i wasn't there for you...for all the times that i failed you...for all the times that i was insensitive...
i want you to know that no matter what...in every decision that you make...i always believe that there is an INTELLIGENT reason behind it...i hope i understand you well enough to make you feel lighter...i hope i'm right to assume that you are happy...
and i PRAY...that you finally find true HAPPINESS and self-contentment...i PRAY...that you finally find your place in this world...i PRAY...that you finally fulfill all of your dreams...i PRAY...that you finally get what you deserve for being the GREATEST BROTHER...
GOOD LUCK on your journey...be GREAT!SHINE! i know your time to be great will finally come...i love you...

not today... not now... not ever!

i will not falter! i am sky bound - not even your sweet kiss and wet lips can stop me.... i am a leaf in the wind... watch me soar!!!!

let's cheers to that! lol

here's to our hopes and dreams...

Mantra

Goddess,

change his mind and make his heart stronger. let him take his words back and take me instead. make my world enough to make him love me for the rest of his life. make him mine and i his. make him see that the only way i can be with him is if i went away. make him thirst for me. make him crave for me. make him a man.

please... make him break his rules some more...